This is the world of the Cake Stop. This world is not so dissimilar to our own, where the massed ranks
of drivers ply their way regardless of the needs and desires of others, trapped by the physical walls of
their vehicles and the mental walls of their prejudices and narrowness of thought. Yet this is also a
world where magic is rife and the Time of Legend is but a blink of an eye away. In this world there are
those who can cross the mysterious planes of A-Time, heroism is just something to do after lunch and
malt loaf is one of the most precious substances in existence.
In this world the union of man and cycle is loved and cherished by a deity. The human powered vehicle
and its rider is supported and cossetted in the bosom of the Triple Goddess of Cycling.
The perfect union of woman and machine, where the bicycle becomes a living, organic creature, the
modern Sleipnir, a warrior goddess on the battlefield that is the road in this modern Car Culture.....
Representing spiritual and intellectual advancement despite an unco-operative society, the Road
Goddess is visualised wearing black and silver lycra, riding a black and silver road bike that appears to
look at you with a mischievous gleam and which will evidently carry its mistress until the end of Time
itself and still beg for more. They are joined by road shoes, for the Road Goddess spends little time
with Her feet on the ground. In perfect harmony of thought and action the Road Goddess and Her steed
react to hazards and baleful drivers with prescient speed, smiling with enlightened wisdom at those
who hurl abuse, quoting from the sacred texts of the RoadTrafficAct and the HighwayCode.
Behind the silver lenses of the Oakley M-Frames, Her eyes are black as night, bottomless orbs of
obsidian that have the power to mesmerise those attempting to turn right across Her path should She
choose to reveal Herself to them. Her skin is tanned where the Sun's rays meet Her; white beneath the
protective mantle of her clothing. She does not fall nor falter, and shuns the roughened surfaces of off-
road paths. The road is Her domain.
Invoke the Road Goddess for smooth surfaces, tailwinds, light rain, traffic jams and for the power of
presence to stop drivers in their tracks.
The Road Goddess' stone is obsidian or jet, Her metal silver, Her animals the raven, panther and horse,
Her flower the black rose or the foxglove, Her wind direction NNW, Her sacred harmony A minor and
Her scent is vetiver.
Representing sustainable progress in harmony with Nature, the MTB Goddess is visualised wearing a
green full-face helmet and a green Muddy Fox jersey with padded, full-finger gloves and heavyweight
lycra ¾ longs. Her shoes are kitted out with Time Allium cleats and She wears a Camelback MULE.
Should She remove Her helmet She can be seen to have a wry smirk and green eyes, tousled brown
hair in a tomboyish cut, a determined, fearless set to Her jaw.
She rides a green and blue full-sus mountain bike fitted with bar ends and Hope disc brakes, which
languishes by Her side with the careless readiness of an off-duty SAS soldier. The MTB Goddess has a
prescient awareness of natural hazards and environmental obstacles. She has perfect balance, and it is
Her own daring and willingness to push Herself to Her very limits that produce the inevitable tumbles
on technical single-track.
Her skin bears the signs of Her courage and She can be seen to sport sticking plasters on Her knees and
elbows on occasion.
Invoke the MTB Goddess for speedy descents on twisted trails, grip on uneven surfaces, fearlessness
and strength for portage.
The MTB Goddess's stone is emerald or malachite, Her metal titanium or aluminium, Her animals the
bear, jaguar or rock hyrax, Her flower the anemone or dog rose, Her wind direction SE, Her sacred
harmony F and Her scent cedarwood or pine.
Representing adaptability and the ability to set to good use the obstacles placed in one's way by others,
the BMX Goddess is visualised as a young woman with a dazzling smile, perfect teeth, and long blonde
hair pulled back into a plait. She has piercing blue eyes the colour of a searing summer sky and a
smattering of freckles from being out in the sun all day. She wears a baggy vest (tank) or hoody with
cargo shorts and ankle boots and can have a West Coast US accent when she speaks. Her bike is a
BMX with full pegs and gyro, and it is as possessive and forgiving of its mistress as the finest working
sheepdog. She has perfect proprioception and an instinctive grasp of where She is in space at any given
She sports elbow and knee pads, and leather-palmed mitts on her long fingers. From the handlebars of
her bike dangles a potty-helmet with an acid-house smiley face upon it.
Invoke the BMX Goddess for wall-ride to tailwhips, dealing with fruitbooters, nailing a landing from
extreme rotation, and always making that grind.
The BMX Goddess's stone is sapphire or turquoise, Her metal iron or gold, Her animals the dog, rat or
monkey, Her flower the dandelion or blue rose, Her wind direction W, Her sacred harmony C major
and Her scent Lily of the Valley or Ocean.
The Road Goddess; in lycra cloth of black and silver, black of eye behind silver shades.
The MTB Goddess; features shaded in full face helmet, body bearing the marks of her travels,
camelback riding high.
The BMX Goddess; her blonde hair scraped back into a plait, long legs clad in baggy shorts, clad for
battle in the armour of her trade, a sunkissed smile and eyes of sapphire blue.
Come one! Come all! Come into the temple and seek benign favours from the sisters of the wheel.
Meet their brothers, the God of Recumbents and the God of Trikes. Come smell the WD40, the oil and
the grease, see the glittering chainrings dance in the light of temple's holy flame as the sacred fountain
gushes cold and fresh to fill your bottle.